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It was a nice idea

IT WAS A NICE IDEA

“Do you have children”  is a common conversational question.  Yes I do I have a son, Nick, he is 5, hes 10, hes 15, hes 20.  At 5 a common retort would be “are you having any more”, at 10 its a just a questioning look, at 15, surprise, at 20, confusion.  No one actually says – why just one – but they think it.

There was more, little bundles of cells that my body rejected time and time again until the last try, that little bundle of cells became a she and I welcomed the nausea, the fatigue, the bloating, until, she rejected me, or the world; perhaps she knew it wouldn’t be kind to her.  That little bundle of cells had one too many, an extra number 21.

No one says anything, what do they say?  And each time they don’t you breathe a little sigh of relief that that bandaid can stay there, I don’t have to get a new one, I don’t have to start the healing over again.  One day though, someone did say something, my stepfather, he said, “Well, it was a nice idea”.  IT-WAS-A-NICE-IDEA.

That is how I’ve come to think of those little bundles of cells, they were ideas, nice ones, they just didn’t eventuate.  That happens all the time doesn’t it, you have an idea, but that’s all it was, a dream, a hope, a thought and when it doesn’t happen you mourn that idea until there is the next idea.  One replaces the other and those ideas don’t need to be anything but a warm memory of something nice that could have been, that was there and then wasn’t, that perhaps wasn’t ready for the world.

And so that prompted my change of lifestyle, the slowing down, the decision to love what I do, and here I am!

Do what you love

Photography and Styling by My Little House

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